a promise kept

As I'm sitting here, attempting to put into words something to fulfill my promise to write more, I have no words. With all that has happened lately, I still can't find the words to put it all down.

I guess I'll start with what I've been doing in between shifts in the ICU. Mostly, I just sleep. It usually takes me a full day after 3-12s before I feel normal. The past two weekends, I have been busy, however.

The weekend of July 10, 11, and 12th, I was busy with all the festivities involved in Valarie's wedding. It was worth all the lack of sleep. That Friday, we got our nails done and had the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. The dinner was at Maggiano's in the Galleria area. It was SOOO delicious, but way too much food. I went to bed that night (crashing at Jasmin's, who graciously allowed me to spend the night there so I didn't have to travel back and forth so much) feeling very full. Saturday was the wedding. But first we needed to get our hair done. So all the bridesmaids, the mother of the bride and mother of the groom, and of course the bride, hung out all morning getting pretty. Unfortunately, the photographer was there. Whoops. Oh well, it was a lot of fun. The ceremony itself was beautiful. So sweet, and not overly long. Okay, really, it was just so beautiful that I didn't notice the time. It might have gone on for years for all I knew. The reception was a blast. The food (more italian) was so delicious. I had such a fun time dancing and partying with Valarie, and my other friends. Valarie made the most beautiful, stunning bride I've ever seen. And she and Brandon were so happy. It was wonderful.

This past weekend, I flew out with Rita to Florida, for Kenna's wedding. Kenna is a good friend from high school that moved to Florida after college to live with her Fiance, Adam. Adam has made Kenna so happy and I couldn't be more thrilled for her. The weekend turned into a bit of a friends reunion, with Kayliegh and Amber flying out from California. Rita and I got in just in time for the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner, which was low-key but fun. We all had a few drinks, and just relaxed. Back at the hotel, we sat around the pool for a while catching up. I've never had so much fun just hanging with my friends. The day of the wedding, we took out Kenna and her parents for breakfast before Kenna had to whisk off to her hair appointment. While she was doing that, the rest of us got ready and got out of the hotel. Then it was wedding time! And just in time for the rain to start! But we all made it, albeit with slightly frizzy hair. The wedding was short and sweet, but so perfect for the two of them! After a few pictures and mingling around the church, Rita and I took off with everyone's stuff for the hotel in Daytona Beach (where the reception was, about 40 minutes from the church). We got us checked in and ran a few errands while waiting for the wedding party. When everyone arrived it was cocktails then the reception. The dinner was good, the speeches short, and the dancing so much fun. Okay, so the "guys" (I'd call them more of little boys for the amount of maturity they showed) weren't that great of company, but I had a blast with Rita, Kenna, Amber, and Kayleigh. After the reception we all hit the beach for a while, then turned in (way way too late considering our morning flights home). We did sleep with the curtains open so we could watch the sunrise over the beach though.
Flying home sucked. It was bad enough leaving our friends, but our flight was terrible. I shouldn't complain too much though, as we were lucky to get on that flight. Rita and I were flying Stand-By, and by some luck we got the last 2 seats on the plane. Since I had to work the next day, it was too important to me to be picky about the seats or flight. It was turbulent though. Terrible. I'm surprised I didn't ralf.

Other than that, I've pretty much just slept or watched TV. I swear, soon I'll get used to my work schedule and will have a full life again.

Dear Blog

Dear blog,

I'm sorry for ignoring you lately. I promise to try to write more crap to fill up all this empty blog space. I promise to write more crap, more often.

Please forgive me.

Linnea

long overdue

I swear eventually, I shall put out a proper blog filling in the cyber world on my life as of late. [Of course the lack of emails begging for a new post would suggest that very few people, if any, really read this, and it has become just a creative outlet for me, and me alone] Nonetheless, I shall continue writing, for the time being at least.

This weekend was Valarie's wedding. She was quite possibly the most beautiful bride I have ever seen in my life. Seriously, she was beyond stunning.

The whole ceremony was beautiful. Tons of people cried, myself included (it was all Brandon's fault...he had to go tear up when he saw his bride-to-be walking down the aisle). I did feel a little lost in the ceremony, as I have never been to a catholic mass let alone a Catholic wedding. I survived it alright and the ceremony flew by. After many, many pictures, we finally made our way to the reception. The hall was gorgeous. Valarie did an amazing job planning it all.

I had so much fun dancing with everyone, drinking wine, scarfing down food, eating cake, making toasts, and hanging out. I don't think I've had that much fun in a LONG, LONG time.

I wish I could say that pictures are to come, but as I left my camera at home, you won't be getting any from me. But I'm sure soon pictures will be surfacing all over Valarie's Facebook page.

Aside from the wedding stuff, I've just been working and being busy.

I'm trying to find time to celebrate my birthday that's coming up, but so far it doesn't look like there'll be much of a celebration. It's getting to be impossible right now to meld my schedule with anyone else's so that I can just hang out with my friends, let alone have some sort of celebration. But right now, I think (and it'll probably change soon) I'm just going to have a small dinner sometime around my birthday that hopefully at least one friend can come to. I think maybe the 29 or 30 is what I'm aiming for. Or maybe the 31st since that's a Friday and seems more likely for people to come then. We'll see. I don't want a huge party like last year (okay maybe I kind of do cause that was fun, but that's not possible this year). I'd just like to celebrate with someone. No gifts are necessary, just finally getting to hang out with my friends after not seeing anyone for several weeks thanks to work.

working woman

Just thought I'd update y'all on the wide world of being gainfully employed.

Today I got my first real check. I was so excited! Too bad Uncle Sam had to take so much out of it.

My first week of working on the floor was interesting. My first few days had a little bit of everything: long hours, exposure to TB, post-mortem care, sedated patients, and births in the ICU!

For the record though, the "exposure" to TB turned out to not be one, but for about an hour there, my preceptor and I thought we were screwed. We had been caring for a patient for 2 whole days when we found out that he had an active TB infection, or so Life Gift told us. Turns out he has a history of TB infection, but not actively infected at this time. Phew!

So far I'm not sure how I feel about the ICU. I think it's just a lot of getting used to. In a few weeks when I feel more comfortable, I think I will absolutely love it.

orientation

So I started orientation yesterday.

I was so nervous and excited rolled into one. Mostly I was just ecstatic about finally earning some much needed money.

So far, orientation has been pretty boring. We've really only done the typical [and painfully boring] stuff like going over the employee handbook, going over some of the paperwork stuff, etc. We did, however, finally get into the skills lab today and got a chance to play around with the equipment some. I hope it'll help me not to look like a complete idiot next week when I'm on the floor for the first time.

They handed out skills checklist packets to everyone, and all 3 of us in the ICU's packets are HUMONGOUS compared to everyone else's. Oh well. It'll be a fun learning process. My fellow ICU interns are so much fun and my nurse manager is amazing.

Hell, all the interns are pretty great. I'm having a blast getting to know them (and making ridiculous side-comments about all the crap they are going over with us).

Next week I start on the unit. I'll be doing a mixture of working with my preceptor and spending some time in the classroom going over unit-specific stuff that I have to learn. I have a feeling though that orientation will go way too fast and before I feel fully ready it'll be time for me to fly solo. Oh that thought scares me.

Went to my unit this afternoon to pick up some paperwork. The nurses were looking at me and Christie like we were fresh meat and they hadn't eaten in days. OI.

what it was really like

This post is for all my non-nursey friends out there who are all going, so what's the big deal with this NCLEX thing?

The NCLEX is our licensing board exam. You pass it: you're a nurse. You fail it: you get to take it again, but will most likely lose your job (since no one wants to hire a nurse who fails her boards). So much of our entire future is wrapped up in this exam.

It's a CAT (computerized adaptive test), which means it makes it up as it goes along [not the questions, those come from a testing bank, but the number of questions and the level of knowledge the question requires]. For the RN exam, you can get anywhere from 75 to 265 questions. Basically, if you are doing okay, but not great, it'll keep giving you questions until the CAT decides you've either done well enough to pass or are screwing up so badly that you fail. And when it cuts off, you don't know which it is. Everyone thinks it's because they are screw ups...but that's just the nature of the test.

So Thursday night I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned all night, feeling woefully unprepared and wishing I could change my exam date but knew it was too late for that. Friday I barely forced down a bagel before leaving, knowing I had to have something in my stomach.

When I arrived, I saw Luis in the parking lot. Then Tracy pulled up, then Emily. The four of us walked in together. I felt infinitely better walking in to the testing center with them. I didn't feel so alone. Of course, we were also feeding off of each other's nerves.

We each took a number as we went in. I was number 3. When she called my number, I had to go up there with my ATT (authorization to test) and my driver's license. She had me give my finger print and I had to sign my name on this little electronic thing that you can't look at your signature while you do it. She made me sign my name 4 times. Apparently it had to match the signature on my DL. Then I took a picture where I'm sure I looked terrible in. I was so nervous and didn't bother making myself pretty that morning. I was going to take a freaking test, who needs make-up and a comb? I locked up all my belongings in a little locker (including my watch and hair clip since these were not allowed in the testing center). Then I headed back to the exam.

The lady at the door went over the rules. She explained that if I needed more pens or another dry-erase board, all I had to do was raise them up. Apparently every inch of the computer room was video and audio monitored. She then had me turn all my pockets inside out and checked me for any concealed items or any way of cheating. What's next, a strip search? Where am I? Prison?? After all of this, I had to show my ID again and use my finger print to get in the room.

Then I sat down and began the test. After going through an annoying tutorial on how to answer the questions (as if I had never taken a computer exam before), I got my first question. It was a medication calculation question. Oh shit. So this is how it's going to be today. For me to get a med calculation question felt like a cruel twist of irony [remember the D&S debacle?].

Each time I hit "submit" I was sure I was killing my score. I just knew that I must be getting most of these wrong. Every question I was torn. Is this right? Maybe it's that other one? Maybe they wanted me to be thinking about bleeding not ICP issues. Maybe I'm way off. What the hell? Why am I guessing on the NCLEX?!? I know nothing!

I kept looking at the time counting down and looking at the question number. When will I be done? I felt like I would never reach 75, and I was sure that it was not going to cut off at 75. I knew that when that happened, I would cry. I just wanted to be done. I wanted to quit at question 30, how was I supposed to survive past 75?

Finally, I was getting close to 75, and feeling worse and worse and worse. Then I got to question 75. I'm not even sure I really tired on that one. I just wanted to hit submit. And when I did, the computer stopped. Is it frozen?!? Am I done?? Then the it said, "you have finished the NCLEX".

As I walked out, I had to do the finger print thing again. My hand was shaking so much it took a little while to get a good reading. I felt like crying, or screaming. Tracy finished at the same time as me and we rode the elevator down together. I was shaking. I wanted to cry.

I got a phone call from Emily on the way home. She was crying. Positive she failed. I didn't know what to think. I felt like a miserable failure, but then again, it cut off at 75, that's a good sign right??

I went home and crashed. Slept all afternoon, not wanting to think about the exam at all.

This morning I was woken up at 8 am by a phone call from Emily. The results are up. She passed!! So I got up, logged in to Pearson Vue, paid my $7.95, and my heart stopped beating.

Then in tiny little letters it said: "grade: PASS".

HALLELUJAH! I did it! I passed!!! Holy crow! I'm a nurse now! I can keep my job!!!

Congrats to my nursey friends

This post is dedicated to my wonderful, talented, and now licensed friends!
These are two of the funniest people I know. And now they are officially nurses! (that's right these two crazies are now licensed, so everyone watch out and be VERY careful which hospitals you go to for medical treatment)
To that crazy, wonderful, amazing Deanne. You rock chica! Crazy fun and are going to make a kick-ass pedi nurse.

Valarie, I am so proud of you! I knew you could do it! You are going to be one hell of a nurse and the L&D world is so lucky to have you.
Jerusha, you did it!!!! You are such a wonderful, sweet, compassionate person. I'm so proud of you!

To everyone else, sorry I ran out of decent pictures to throw up here, but I am proud of all of you! Congrats Michael, Lisa, Elizabeth, Charlotte, and everyone else I can't think of right now. Congratulations to all of you!! Now go celebrate!

so glad it's over with

Took the NCLEX today.

It sucked.

Now I just have to sit around and wait, hoping that the BON will put up the results as soon as possible. I hate waiting.

The first question I got was a medication calculation question. I felt like, oh shit, this is a sign of what's to come.

But I survived.

I'm so glad it's over with.

NCLEX and stress

I feel like the day of reckoning is coming.

I take the NCLEX on Friday.

It's the test. My entire future [okay that is a tad dramatic, but my current job is definitely riding on it] is riding on this exam.

I spent today (and like the last week) doing hard-core studying and I was feeling pretty good.

But the anxiety is back.

I guess the anxiety is better than feeling down. I'm so sick of feeling down.

I'm sick of feeling stressed. I'm sick of being so up and down and all over the place. I'm ready to be normal, happy, stable again. I thought once school was over it would wash away and I'd be back more to me without all the nursing school BS and stress. Guess not. Living with my parents again, worrying about the NCLEX, not seeing my friends on a regular basis, not having any money to do anything fun at all, and wondering what this new career I am about to embark on has me feeling rather discombobulated and unstable.

I suppose it'll pass.

best and worst thing

Moving back home has been the best, and worst, thing that I've ever done for myself.

On the one hand, it's exactly what I needed as I have about $10 to my name. That last week before I moved home I went to the grocery store and could only afford to buy one thing. So I bought more cat food for my kitten Greta. I lived off of slightly moldy bread, tap water, and 100 calorie pack cookies for the last 2 days I was in my apartment.

I'm so broke right now, it's not even funny. Thanks to my [former] crap-hole apartment screwing me out of $184, I can't even go on my friend's bachelorette party trip to Padre. I can't buy gas for my car. I couldn't even buy aloe for my nasty sunburn last week. And thanks to our lovely economy, the only monetary assistance my parents can provide me is a roof over my head and some food (provided I don't eat too much and don't mind cheap food).

I say this is the worst thing I've done for myself because living with my family again is very hard. I'm not just talking about losing my independence and what not (because my parents are very flexible and I can go wherever, whenever-you know if I had money; they really don't care). Mostly I'm talking about adjusting to being around people again....(if you could see my editing of this blog, here's where you'd see a whole HUGE paragraph deleted. While it felt great to write that out, I'm just not ready to share that tidbit with anyone in the world who feels like reading my blog today).

Having no real study space has become a huge pain the last few days. My stuff and my parent's terrible-pack-rat-accumulated-crap is everywhere. They had been using my bedroom as a storage room, so now all that crap is all over the house, not to mention all the stuff from my apartment. I'm trying to find places for it, to put all my stuff (and theirs) away, but it's not going well. So I'm stuck sitting on my bed in my room for privacy. Attempting to study in the same room you've sat in for four days to get away from the crazy does not end well. Not only am I getting stir crazy, but my family won't leave me alone! I keep telling them I am studying, that I need peace and quiet and no distractions. Yet they keep coming to bother me. Tomorrow I am going to the library. I can't take it anymore.

I'm so upset/worked up/down/whatever about my current monetary and living situation that I'm back to not sleeping well again. Okay, to be fair, I never did sleep that great to begin with. Still, being wide awake at 3:30 am despite trying to sleep is quite annoying.

So if I jump in my car and show up at your doorstep randomly at an odd hour of the day, know it's my last-ditch effort to preserve what is left of my sanity by escaping.

sunburn from hell

warning: this blog contains some disgusting details of my sunburn and a PSA for sunscreen in it. Reader discretion advised.

Last Tuesday, I went to the Rec Center, to enjoy a little bit of sunshine and go swimming for a little while. I figured I'd sneak in a last trip or two to the rec center before our "membership" was completely abolished.

Instead, I ended up with the sunburn from hell.

It started off with horrible tan lines from my bathing suit and a bright red, lobster look to the entire front of my body. Using the Rule of Nines, I estimated my total BSA burned to be about 51%. It was miserable. And of course I was at my apartment with no after-sun lotion, no aloe, and so completely broke I couldn't even go buy some from the grocery store.

Wednesday morning I woke up so sore where the sunburn was. I was a maroonish-red (go look at the cover of our pedi books and that's what I looked like). I looked like an alien, or a tomato, or something.

Thursday the blisters appeared. That's right, my shoulders, chest, and upper arms were no covered with blisters. Disgusting, horrible, blisters. The weeping, easily ruptured, horrible little blisters. Not only was I now covered in blisters, had the disgusting tan lines, and was pink everywhere else, but now my shoulders were so raw that it hurt to move them. And of course I'm still trying to move, so I'm at my apartment packing, moving heavy furniture, and cleaning, all while in some pain.

Friday, the pain was much much worse. I couldn't even lift my left arm up because any movement that caused my skin to stretch caused extreme pain to me. Luckily, the dress I had picked out to wear to Derek's wedding covered the disgusting sunburn. Too bad something as simple as holding the steering wheel caused me so much pain.

Saturday, the blisters were starting to disappear and I was beginning to peel. Joyful....disgusting, peeling skin. The pain was still pretty awful; and I still had way too much stuff to do at my apartment.

Sunday, the blisters are finally gone, but the pain is still around. Stupid ass sunburn.

Now it's Tuesday, one week since the horrible sunburn appeared, and it's still awful. Everything but my shoulders and upper chest has healed. I'm peeling all disgustingly and look like a crusty old lady with terribly dry skin. I'll deal with the peeling and tan lines though, as long as the horrific pain is gone. It still stings a little, but it's nothing compared to the pain I was feeling this past weekend. Seriously it was bring-tears-to-my-eyes-begging-for-morphine-wanting-to-chop-off-my-arm-to-make-it-stop pain. The worst part was any little movement, and extra pressure from my t-shirt, and little thing would bring on the pain again.

Moral of the story: wear sunscreen!!!! Even if you think you won't be exposed to too much sun, or it's overcast, still put some on! Save yourself the pain and anguish of a sunburn and help reduce your risk of developing skin cancer by investing in some SPF 30. Sunscreen is especially important if you are going swimming! Invest in a good sport sunscreen or reapply frequently. Learn from my idiocy.

moving

I hate moving!

All that packing, unpacking, taking apart furniture crap SUCKS.

And as a result of my complete loathing for packing, my apartment is only half ready to move out, and people are coming in the next hour to help me move stuff.

Oh well. It'll get done eventually. I'm just being entirely too lazy (and loving it) to care much right now. Besides, if I wait until my family gets here to pack some of this stuff, then I'll get plenty of help with it!!

things I should be doing instead of this

10 things I should be doing instead of blogging:

1) unloading my car full of stuff (trip 1 out of many for the great move back to the rent's)
2) helping my mom move all of the boxes from the storage room (aka my old bedroom soon to be my bedroom again)
3) going to the bank to take care of some financial issues
4) studying for the NCLEX
5) packing my apartment up
6) making lunch....I'm starving
7) helping my brother give Mini a bath
8) driving back to my apartment so I can pack
9) doing laundry, laundry, and more laundry
10) cleaning my apartment after bug-bombing it yesterday

And yet, here I am, writing another pointless blog. Oh well, why fight tradition, right?

Graduation and festivities

Valarie and I in our lovely caps and gowns.

Valarie, Sam, Me, and Keren at Lucky's.

Alyse, Me, Katie, Deanne, Elizabeth at Lucky's.

My decorated cap :o).

Hopefully soon I'll be able to put up more photos or put them on Facebook. Unfortunately, for Graduation at least, I wasn't a camera fiend. And as my camera was in Melanie's truck, I didn't get any photos at Pinning. Hopefully my parents got some good ones. The whole week was so fun (okay the end of the week...finals sucked). The perfect way to end the craziness: more crazy partying. [at least that's how Lucky's was. Thanks again my angels for taking care of me]

And in the end

Well, graduation has come and gone.

We did it. We made it through that hell that is nursing school. We survived late nights of care planning, early mornings on the way to clinicals, final exams, long hours of lecture, no summer break, tough teachers, and stressed classmates.

Pinning was wonderful. The highlight of my day was seeing my favorite professor, Dr. D again and getting to hear one more poem from him! My aunt Sylvie (RN) pinned me. And seeing everyone dressed up was a nice change from the jeans and sweats.

Graduation was mercifully brief, and I got to spend it sitting next to one of the funniest persons I know.

Now it's all over. I'm a college graduate! I even get to start signing my name with all those little letters: Linnea Richardson, GN, BSN. [I can't wait to replace the GN with an RN]

And of course, the silly sentimental side of me is getting all teary-eyed as I type this. Great. I hate crying.

procrastination via rants

Instead of studying for the community HELLth final that's tomorrow, I thought I'd procrastinate some more. Of course I don't have much to say, so instead I'll rant about a few things that have bothering me.

• Today we were supposed to have graduation rehearsal at 3pm in the auditorium. The juniors were taking a psych final in there that was supposed to end at 3. At 3pm, there were still 6 people taking the exam, who proceeded to take another 30 minutes to finish. They had 2 hours to take it, they shouldn't have needed all that time! It's psych!!! Besides, never in nursing school have we had extra time for exams. If they say we get 2 hours, then when 2 hours are up, turn it in, no matter what. It was so annoying as we were all waiting outside for them to finish. The test proctor should've said, "time's up". That annoyed me so much. (or maybe i'm just cranky today)
• Don't trust people, because we're all bastards. It's so annoying to go on defending someone because they looked in your eyes and swore that they didn't do it, and got on your soap box for that person because of it, only to find out you've been making an ass out of yourself because they lied to you all along instead of just trusting you with that one tiny thing. It's not like I would've spread it around, or judged you or anything. If you don't want to tell me or talk about it, that's one thing, but to look me in the eye and lie to me about it, then don't bat an eye when I defend you on that lie....
  
• The people at the financial aid office are idiots. Every time you call them with a question, they tell you something completely opposite what they told you last time. No wonder all of us are broke right now; none of us got proper financial assistance for the last 2 years.
• I hope the office at my apartment complex burns down. For that matter, once I move out, I hope the whole complex burns to the ground.
  

insomnia

I can't sleep. Again.

After studying all day, being exhausted, I still can't freaking sleep!!!

I hate this!!!!!

I'm so exhausted! Last weekend when I was home I couldn't sleep at my parents house since I had to sleep on an air mattress. Then I came home, and can't freaking sleep thanks to my insomnia!

UGH. Maybe I should try studying some more, maybe that'll put me to sleep.

Knowing my luck, hell no. UGH. I freaking hate this!!!!

finals

Are finals really that important anyway?!?

I'm attempting to study for finals (hopefully the last finals I'll EVER take), and I can't seem to concentrate for more than 5 minutes.

I don't give a rat's ass about community health nursing, so flipping through those powerpoints is worthless.

UGH. Can I just skip finals??

I've created a monster.

I'm home visiting the family this weekend (okay, let's face it, I'm here to do laundry and mooch food) and was doing some "maintanence" on my blog as my mom walked by.

After showing her my blog, she has decided she wants to start one.

HEAVEN HELP US ALL! MY MOTHER WANTS TO START A BLOG!!!

crap.

I shouldn't have shown her this. I should never show her anything.

oh, and she wants to Twitter too.

Kill me now.

random pics

Just some random photos from Hermann Park. Enjoy!