random photos

taking stupid pics in the car

Preggers Michelle, me, Cindy (L-R)

Greta loves my dad!

Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown!

Today is Christmas Eve, and as usual, I'm filled with a sense of sadness and mourning. I always get a little sad when Christmas Eve rolls around, because that means tomorrow is Christmas and then it's all over.

How backwards is that? Aren't I supposed to be super excited about opening presents tomorrow? About the big yummy Smörgåsbord? Instead, I always get a tiny bit sad. I love December. I love the cool weather, the Christmas lights, the carols playing on the radio. I love the sales and the decorations. I love baking lots of cookies and pies. I love everything about Christmas. It's just that when Christmas rolls around, it all has to end.

Stop it! That's enough being sad! I am sitting here, with my beautiful kitten and her Christmas collar (sparkly red with bells!), baking Swedish dream cookies, about to make Jesus' birthday cake, listening to old blue eyes crooning out Christmas tunes. It's a wonderful day and I am determined to enjoy it!

God Jul!!!

Elf Yourself!

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

It occurred to me today that this is my last Christmas break from school. In January, I will have my final "first day" of classes.

August 2008 seems like a lifetime ago. I remember feeling so overwhelmed by this huge mountain I was about to climb. I didn't think the end was even in sight, let alone coming! I didn't know what I was getting myself into. I thought nursing school was just some more classes, that I would get into and get it over with. I had no idea just how life altering it all is.

Thinking about my final semester of school, registering for NClEX, applying for jobs, and graduating has me longing for it to all SLOW DOWN. Don't get me wrong; part of me is jumping for joy at the prospects of being done. But the sentimental, afraid of change side is frantically trying to find the breaks.

I am doing my best to keep in mind that the end of nursing school isn't the end, it's just the close of this chapter. Turn the page, and a new one starts. Just because we are saying good bye at graduation doesn't mean it's forever.

I know there are classmates I won't ever see again, and others that I'll only see once in a blue moon. Still, there are those friends that I have come to cherish in my life, and utterly adore having them as part of me. These friends I will work very hard to not loose with the end of school.

For the time being, however, it's just a bit scary not knowing what is coming next. I look ahead at my future, and I have no idea what is going to happen beyond May. I don't know where I'll work, when I'll start, or where I'll live. I suppose I could look at this as a grand opportunity, and tackle it like a new adventure.

ECSTATIC

I am ecstatic at the fact that I am done with the "semester from hell"!!!!

I thought I'd better make this little triumphant post now, since I have just poured myself a glass of wine and we all know how dangerous it is to drink and blog.

Made it out with 1 C and 1 B....but considering I wasn't even sure that I was going to pass this semester, I'll take it!!

4 down....1 to go!!!

motivation-less

With one final over with, I am finding it extremely hard to concentrate on my last final. I feel like I've put in so much effort already, that I have nothing left to give.

I feel like it's the eleventh hour and I have nothing left in me. I just pray that somehow I can manage to find the will power to get some studying done and manage to pass tomorrow.

When did I, Linnea the over-achiever, stop carrying about making As and only caring about just passing???

oh wait. I remember now, nursing school beat that one out of me!

Sankta Lucia

Tomorrow, December 13 is Saint Lucia day! One of the most celebrated holidays in Sweden.

Saint Lucia was a girl from Sicily, martyred for her Christian faith. During a faminine in the middle ages, she appeared in Sweden, bringing food, drink, and the promise that there would be gifts for Christmas. She brought hope and light to a country hurting in a time of darkness, and is celebrated now in a festival of lights. Traditionally, Lucia is "played" by the oldest daughter of the family. On December 13, she rises early and dresses in a white robe with a red sash. On her head she wears a crown of candles, to light the way while keeping her hands free. She carries a tray of cookies or Lucia Buns and coffee to each family memeber.

There are many Sankta Lucia songs sung across the nation, most with similar themes of bringing light in the darkness:

The night treads heavily

around yards and dwellings

In places unreached by sun,

the shadows brood

Into our dark house she comes,

bearing lighted candles

Saint Lucia, Saint Lucia.

Most Swedes know the standard Lucia song by heart.

The Lucia celebrations include ginger snaps and sweet, saffron-flavored buns (lussekatter-Lucia Buns). You eat them with glögg or coffee.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!
Everywhere we go!

In case you didn't get the memo, it snowed in Houston yesterday!

That's right, I said SNOW. Now by anyone who lives north of the Mason-Dixon, by their standards it no where near qualified as snow.

but to us down here in Houston, where we have the song "No white Christmases in Houston", it was very much real snow.

I frolicked around yesterday, writing silly messages in the snow on my car, trying to take pictures with my camera phone, and enjoying the weather.

I also finished putting up all my decorations yesterday, dug out the Christmas music, and lit a few candles. I am fully enjoying this weather and fully enjoying the Christmas season!!

check all that apply

Show of hands who thought all those "check all that apply" questions on the exam were gay?

If I had written the test, here is what my check all that apply questions would say:

Which beverage(s) goes well with studying for nursing school exams? (check all that apply)
a) vodka-spiked punch
b) irish coffee
c) red bull and vodka
d) white zinfadel
e) fruit punch....with everclear

You are caring for M.H., a 30 year old G1P0 with preeclampsia starts seizing. What is your first action? (check all that apply)
a) curse under your breath as you hit the call bell for assistance
b) frantically try to remember you day in Sim lab with "Noelle"
c) yell out "oh shit, we've got a twitcher in here!"
d) pee yourself just a little

You are doing a teaching session with C.L. who is going home on trebutaline PO and restricted to bed rest for PTL. Which statement(s) indicate further teaching is needed? (check all that apply)
a) "So if I just pop a few of these each morning I should be good for a few weeks"
b) "only take these pills if I feel contractions"
c) "since I am taking these pills, I don't need to call or come back in if my water breaks."
d) "holy shit, I'm what?!? I swear....I'm a virgin!!!"

A 24 year old G4P3 presents to the ED complaining of vaginal bleeding and a "backache" and wants to know if she is having a miscarriage. Which is the best response?
a) "yeah probably, but hey you've got 3 kids at home-that's plenty!"
b) "nope, bleeding is normal throughout pregnancy. we only worry when the liquid coming out is clear."
c) "ask someone else, I'm on my break."
d) "umm...yeah....we'll....it could....umm....the doctor will be right in to speak to you."

overwhelmed

I'm not sure how much more of this stuff I can take....

I should be jumping for joy that I only have a week and a half of this semester left. Instead, I feel like crying myself to sleep.

I am so overwhelmed from school. I just....yeah I'm beyond ready for it all to be done.

December 18, come faster please!

studying....

so with finals just around the corner, I am officially studying until further notice.

:o(

I hate this semester so much and can not wait for it to end. Unfortunately, there are 3 exams between now and that end. YUCK.

But I can do it. It's going to be a killer week, but I will survive.

In the mean time, if you need to find me, I'll be over here with my text books.....

christmas time is here

Christmas time is here!
Happiness and cheer.
Fun for all, that children call
their favorite time of year!

I absolutely adore Christmas! For me, it's not about getting presents. Christmas is wonderful because the weather turns colder, people start giving more, and people start to realize the real reason for the season.

I could listen to Christmas music all day long! And I love the holiday specials on tv.

I need to get a copy of It's a Wonderful Life. That has got to be my favorite holiday movie!

Now if I can only survive the next two weeks of exams, then the holidays this year should be great!

back to the grind

So I am back in the med center from lovely vacation home. It was so nice to put off school for a few days and just enjoy being lazy and spending time with family.

Tonight, I need to get back to studying. I have some of my chapter to finish, yikes I am so behind. Tomorrow I have to do my hurricane make-up day in pedi dialysis :o(. I can already tell it's going to suck. Oh well it has to be done.

Then I'm going to come home, and study study study.

I don't want to bomb this next Pedi test. Well actually I can't bomb the next test. I would really like to pass this semester...

hump day

So excited about going home tonight!!!!

I just wish stupid pedi didn't have us coming to class the day before Thanksgiving!

I get another **fun** car ride with Greta. JOY. Then I get to go bake pumpkin pie! YUM.

And I finally get to meet Dan. Hmm maybe I should have made an effort to look presentable to him.

Meh. Forget that.

Greta

I have a new kitten!

I named her Greta, after Greta Garbo. (My mom says she is calling her Garbo)

She is so precious! The car ride home yesterday, she just sat in my lap and purred. As long as she wasn't left in the carrier by herself, she was happy.

As the drugs wore off from the surgery she had that morning (spayed), she became a lot more active. She spent the night sitting on my face, trying to get me to play with her.

She's such an attention hound! All she wants is to be pet. She'll sit there and purr all day long if you just pet her. I'm sure this will wear off as she gets used to me, but for now it is nice.

Don't worry, more pictures and stories are to come!!

the leaves are turning

Okay, so in Houston, the leaves don't change colors much, but fall is definitely here!

I love the cold weather. Nothing makes me more happy then when I get to bundle up for the weather and take a nice walk in the brisk air!

I ambled around Hermann Park today, just soaking up this beautiful weather.

I know so many people have SAD and the winter months make their depression worse, but for me, the fall kind of has an opposite effect. I love Christmas time. I love to decorate, to sing carols, to go shopping. I love watching all the Christmas movies and specials on TV. I just love celebrating the holiday season and the whole vibe everything seems to get.

Today has been the first, honest-to-God great days in a long time for me. I miss simple, happy days like this.

not sure

This weekend was good, horrible, and everything in between.

Friday was a bad day for me. But my sis came down and we got to hang out a bit, which definitely helped lift my spirits.

I was too sick on Saturday to go with Valarie and Jasmin to Alfred Angelo. I feel like a terrible friend for letting them both down. I really do feel awful about it.

Sunday was the first day in a week where I felt pretty stable. It was nice. Went to see Kathy Griffin with Paige, Lisa, and Lillian. She was hilarious! It was a fun night. Just what I needed.

Now I'm sitting here on my couch, trying to get some things done for the week.

excited

I am so excited about tomorrow!

I get to spend most of the day with two of the most wonderful people in the world!!

First, we're meeting at Alfred Angelo's to try on bridesmaid dresses. (Guess I had better shave my legs tonight).

Then we are having a girl's night in, game night! It may sound cheesy, but sometimes cheesy can be a lot of fun.

We do not get to hang out enough and I miss these ladies!!!!

weight less....maybe

I feel like some of the weight is finally lifting. We had our last test before Thanksgiving yesterday and I didn't bomb it!!!

This semester has been so stressful on all of us and I'm ready for December to come. I reached the point where I couldn't take anymore of the stress and pressure, but things are looking up now. I feel a lot better about life, school, friendships, and everything else.

It feels nice to feel better.

All the school crap is far from over, but it's definitely letting up for a little while.

I can finally catch up on everything else I've been neglecting.

getting older

so i feel like i am so old.

and yeah i know i am only 22 and have my entire life ahead of me; but right now i feel like the world is passing by so quickly.

Vannary is pregnant! 11 weeks. Wow. she is one of the oldest friends I have and she is about to have a baby!!

Everyone is getting married or having kids it seems.

When did we become adults?

halloween party

So tonight was the SON/SPH halloween party.

It turned out to be a TON of fun. There was some good food, good beer, and good people who came!

I actually won an award! woo hoo!!! I'm so excited because I never win anything. But I won the costume contest!! (to be fair, at the time of the judging there were only 3 of us with costumes there, but it was still cool).

yay! haha I am happy because I had a good night, had some fun, and won an award.

Oh, and I promise pictures are to come! I got some great ones!!

happy halloween everyone!!!

bad days

I did great on a test today, yet I feel like a miserable failure.

I hate how school (and everything else) can do this to me!

I feel like a failure now. I got an email from an instructor informing me I was in danger of failing the semester (as in I'm barely passing at the moment) and that I need to come in for a meeting to discuss how I can do better.

While I know I'm not doing super great, I don't think it warrants all this fuss. I don't know if they just emailed me because of my miserable performance on the D&S or if they are doing that to everyone who is borderline. Either way I feel like a miserable failure.

On top of this, I was already feeling unstable today. I can't think of any other word to describe how I am feeling....unstable is all I can come up with.

I feel like I am breaking apart.

Ren fest

I went to the Renaissance Festival today for the first time ever and had a blast!

I am so exhausted right now, but I wanted to take a few minutes to write about my day while it was all still fresh in my mind.

I went with Matt and Carrie. Matt drove us up to Carrie's apartment in Conroe, and then we all rode over to the Ren Fest together. This is the first time I'd ever been in my life, so I was super excited about going.

We walked around checking out all the shoppes (making me wish I had more $$$ to spend). Carrie and I got some wine and then we say one of the performances. It was soo funny. It was Ester and Eureka, the Washing Women, "cousins" and Ester was showing us her moves to get a man. They were too funny. Well, to be fair, Carrie and I had had a few drinks by this time, so we both had a nice wine buzz going. But it was still hilarious.

After the show, we got some lunch (can you say turkey legs?) and walked around some more. We saw a [lame] jousting show (really, they were kind of really bad actors), meet King Henry VIII, drank some mead, and hung out with pirates.

We walked around some more, had fun with more drinks, went to a pub. Carrie and I made wax hands and we got the kettle corn guys to try and sell Matt for us. No one bought him :o( [poor matt].

After we left the Ren Fest, we grabbed some mexican at a place in Conroe, then Matt and I drove back to the med center.

So now I am exhausted and not looking forward to a day of studying tomorrow, but am so glad I went out today. I haven't had good, clean fun like that in a long time.

I need to relax and let all my problems go more often.

home

Went back to the north side last night to visit my family and get some much needed laundry done.

I wish I could have stayed longer. I enjoy having company around, I enjoy the home cooked meals, I enjoy having more than 5 tv channels if I decide to watch tv, and I enjoy having someone help me do my laundry :oP. But I can't hide away from school and everything forever. Unfortunately, I have too much stuff to do this weekend to spend the whole time kickin' it with my family.

So now I'm back in the med center, trying to clean some, trying to study, and putting off going grocery shopping for another day.

I wish I could just put a movie on and take a nap.

I should really get off the internet. It seems like the internet has only added to my "issues" lately. I could definitely stand to get online less.

Last day

Tomorrow is my last clinical day for the semester (stupid Ike). I will be so glad to be done for good.

My plans for the rest of the weekend include doing lots of laundry, studying a lot, and hanging out with Carrie on Sunday. She is dragging me somewhere but won't tell me where. Oh well, it should be fun.

Actually, it's next weekend that I am looking forward to the most. I love the Heart Walk. It is always so much fun.

And this change in the weather, to cooler temperatures, is making me very happy. I love the fall.

so I figured it out

so I figured out why/how I got sick this past weekend.

I was looking through my fridge, trying to decide what to make for dinner when I found the Alfredo sauce I had made dinner with last Thursday. I almost pulled it out and used it again tonight, but when I looked down, I saw the expiration date.

April 28, 2007.

Yeah, it is a year and a half old! No wonder I was so nauseated on Friday and spent my whole weekend throwing up.

My mom just gave me that jar of sauce about 3 weeks ago.

Guess she was trying to poison me :p. (j/k)

feeling better

Feeling much better today, but still kind of icky.

Haven't had the energy to go get my hair done. Grr. I guess it will have to wait.

Going to go eat some rice (the only thing of the BRAT diet I have at home). The first thing I'll have eaten since lunch on Friday.

sickly

I feel awful today.

Actually it started yesterday at clinical. After lunch I just started feeling shaky, achey, and run down. After clinical, Katie and I stopped at Sonic for some dinner and by then I'm sure I was running a fever.

I came home around 7p (we got out early cause it was the last day) and turned on the tv for a little while I got ready for bed. I felt absolutely miserable at this point, so I decided to go take a full Ambien and let it knock me out and hope that I would feel better after I had slept.

At like 7:20, maybe 5 minutes after I took the Ambien, I hear this pounding on my door. Worried that it might be something important, I get up to answer. It wast two traveling missionary Mormons! I was like ummm....I'd love to talk but I am really sick and am going to bed now. Good night.

After that I could not sleep. So I ended up calling my dad to tell him about that. Calling my sister for a little while. Calling Vannary to get caught up with her. And texted Katie and Derek a little. I was just feeling awful and couldn't sleep and needed someone to talk to me.

I woke up this morning, about 30 minutes ago, and am not feeling that much better. I am way less achey, but head is killing me and I just feel sick. Not sure how to describe it, just feeling bad.

Joyful. Good thing my only plans for today were to clean and study.

almost done

I am almost done with clinicals and it feels so GREAT.

I will miss my clinical group, as we have been together now since June. But I am so glad to have 24 hours of my week back.

I know I still have simulation labs and hurricane make-ups, but I am so glad to be done. I am ready to breathe again and have a little time to not be so stressed.

I absolutely have to do much better on the next round of tests, and therefore need as much time to study as possible.

Sadly enough, I will probably end up bringing my pedi book with me to clinical tomorrow to study when I have some spare time. I'm in antepartum, and everyone in my clinical group who has been there already says that it is incredibly boring.

sitting in class

I am sitting in class today and doing everything but learning.

But my good mood is holding, and I truly think I have turned over a new leaf.

Oh, and I think next semester, if time permits, I'm going to join a choir again. I'll probably join a church choir since it is less uptight about being at rehearsals, doesn't cost money, and it's such a big deal. I'm not the best singer in the world but I really do love singing.

I started singing Christmas carols last night. I have Carol of the Bells stuck in my head. It is such a beautiful song when it is done acapella with a four part choir.

feelin' good

It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life

And I'm feelin' good.

I have this song stuck in my head. Normally that would bother me. Today it is my theme song.

I am clinging to the words of this song because they fit be today. I am done (minus the hurrication make up) with pedi clinicals, almost done with OB, the semester is moving along, and there is an end in sight. Not only are all these school issues resolving some, but from my own psyche/emotional standpoint I feel like it is a new day.

Not entirely sure where it came from, but this afternoon I got overwhelmed with the desire and conviction to turn over a new leaf. I don't want to be selfish like I have been lately. I don't want to burden my friends too much with my problems. I don't want to be drowning in self pity. I want to be a strong, independent person, who is there for her friends as much as they have been there for her.

Most of all, I want to be hapy.

And today, I am deciding to be happy.

unsure

So I've been sitting here for a while trying to think of what to say. But I honestly don't know how I am feeling anymore. I've reached that point where I am just going through the motions, trying to survive each day. Not all days are like this, but it seems that more are than not.

I just want to feel normal again. I don't even know what normal is.

I think that after this week, things will get a little better. Clinicals officially end on Friday for me. I still have make-up days from our hurrication, but the official days with paperwork, and care plans and what not ends.

Once school eases up a bit and I'm not struggling to keep up, I think things will get much better.

I am so looking forward to that.

at home

Finally getting a chance to visit my family. And it has been so nice.

At the same time though, I wish I was back home. It's strange to me that I finally am thinking of my apartment in the med center as my home and feel like a visitor at my parent's.

I'm trying not to think of my crazy, messed up feelings tonight and just enjoy some precious time with my family. So I think I'll go bug my mom now for a while.

It is kind of nice having people around.

going home

So I am finally getting a small break from school and am going home to visit my parents and brother and sister. I have been so incredibly home sick and can not wait to see my family.

I am also a little nervous. I'll explain that one later.

I had a great day at clinical today. I was in the new born nursery and loved it. I got to do so much. I did the usual tasks they let the students cover: vital signs, first bath, feeding, changing diapers, bringing baby to/getting baby from mom. But I also got to give meds (Hep B vaccine, Vitamin K, erythromyacin opthalmic, and the triple dye for the cord), cut the cord (with a scalpel!), a PKU/new born screening test and a bilirubin blood draw. I got to see so much. The nursery was crazy full and the nurses were like "Linnea, go do this, Katie go do that."

While I don't think I could do NBN for more than a clinical day, I did enjoy it.

Okay, off to sit in traffic and drive up to Spring. Yay.

playing catch-up

I spent today playing catch-up. I haven't done a single thing for school but did some much needed personal stuff. I slept in, cleaned the bathroom, did the dishes (they were starting to get gross. I mean really really gross), took out the trash, and am going to go scrub everything down with a Clorox wipe.

Last night I went out with Matt, Katie, and Carrie to Wild West to have a few drinks and just let loose a little. It was fun to do something completely free of school.

But now, I am afraid that reality has to set back in some and I need to get myself organized for school. I am planning on going home tomorrow after clinicals to my parent's house and don't want to spend the one weekend this semester I am getting out there doing school work. I probably won't go home again until Thanksgiving. So I want this weekend to be about having a little fun with my family.

Don't tell my mom I said this, but I really do miss the whole family and have been a little home sick lately.

Blogging

So under the urging of Ms. Valarie, I am going to jump on the blog band wagon.

Just thought I'd take a few minutes to explain what the hell the name of my blog means and a few other things.

Once I looked up my name in a name book, and to my surprise, actually found it listed. It listed "Linnea" as an old welsh word for lime tree. Joy. My name is a freaking tree. My parents gave me the name Linnea because it is a beautiful little pink flower that grows in Sweden. It was name for the botanist Carolus Linneaus. My mom always found the name and the flower to be beautiful and wanted to give me a good strong Swedish name.

Now if you have seen my username as "Lemonea", that is because my social security card had a typo on it. Instead of saying "Linnea" it added an M in the middle of the two n's. So it was "Linmnea". So my friends and I would joke about how that name would be said, and saying it kind of like lemon plus nea we were like "lemonea".