halloween party

So tonight was the SON/SPH halloween party.

It turned out to be a TON of fun. There was some good food, good beer, and good people who came!

I actually won an award! woo hoo!!! I'm so excited because I never win anything. But I won the costume contest!! (to be fair, at the time of the judging there were only 3 of us with costumes there, but it was still cool).

yay! haha I am happy because I had a good night, had some fun, and won an award.

Oh, and I promise pictures are to come! I got some great ones!!

happy halloween everyone!!!

bad days

I did great on a test today, yet I feel like a miserable failure.

I hate how school (and everything else) can do this to me!

I feel like a failure now. I got an email from an instructor informing me I was in danger of failing the semester (as in I'm barely passing at the moment) and that I need to come in for a meeting to discuss how I can do better.

While I know I'm not doing super great, I don't think it warrants all this fuss. I don't know if they just emailed me because of my miserable performance on the D&S or if they are doing that to everyone who is borderline. Either way I feel like a miserable failure.

On top of this, I was already feeling unstable today. I can't think of any other word to describe how I am feeling....unstable is all I can come up with.

I feel like I am breaking apart.

Ren fest

I went to the Renaissance Festival today for the first time ever and had a blast!

I am so exhausted right now, but I wanted to take a few minutes to write about my day while it was all still fresh in my mind.

I went with Matt and Carrie. Matt drove us up to Carrie's apartment in Conroe, and then we all rode over to the Ren Fest together. This is the first time I'd ever been in my life, so I was super excited about going.

We walked around checking out all the shoppes (making me wish I had more $$$ to spend). Carrie and I got some wine and then we say one of the performances. It was soo funny. It was Ester and Eureka, the Washing Women, "cousins" and Ester was showing us her moves to get a man. They were too funny. Well, to be fair, Carrie and I had had a few drinks by this time, so we both had a nice wine buzz going. But it was still hilarious.

After the show, we got some lunch (can you say turkey legs?) and walked around some more. We saw a [lame] jousting show (really, they were kind of really bad actors), meet King Henry VIII, drank some mead, and hung out with pirates.

We walked around some more, had fun with more drinks, went to a pub. Carrie and I made wax hands and we got the kettle corn guys to try and sell Matt for us. No one bought him :o( [poor matt].

After we left the Ren Fest, we grabbed some mexican at a place in Conroe, then Matt and I drove back to the med center.

So now I am exhausted and not looking forward to a day of studying tomorrow, but am so glad I went out today. I haven't had good, clean fun like that in a long time.

I need to relax and let all my problems go more often.

home

Went back to the north side last night to visit my family and get some much needed laundry done.

I wish I could have stayed longer. I enjoy having company around, I enjoy the home cooked meals, I enjoy having more than 5 tv channels if I decide to watch tv, and I enjoy having someone help me do my laundry :oP. But I can't hide away from school and everything forever. Unfortunately, I have too much stuff to do this weekend to spend the whole time kickin' it with my family.

So now I'm back in the med center, trying to clean some, trying to study, and putting off going grocery shopping for another day.

I wish I could just put a movie on and take a nap.

I should really get off the internet. It seems like the internet has only added to my "issues" lately. I could definitely stand to get online less.

Last day

Tomorrow is my last clinical day for the semester (stupid Ike). I will be so glad to be done for good.

My plans for the rest of the weekend include doing lots of laundry, studying a lot, and hanging out with Carrie on Sunday. She is dragging me somewhere but won't tell me where. Oh well, it should be fun.

Actually, it's next weekend that I am looking forward to the most. I love the Heart Walk. It is always so much fun.

And this change in the weather, to cooler temperatures, is making me very happy. I love the fall.

so I figured it out

so I figured out why/how I got sick this past weekend.

I was looking through my fridge, trying to decide what to make for dinner when I found the Alfredo sauce I had made dinner with last Thursday. I almost pulled it out and used it again tonight, but when I looked down, I saw the expiration date.

April 28, 2007.

Yeah, it is a year and a half old! No wonder I was so nauseated on Friday and spent my whole weekend throwing up.

My mom just gave me that jar of sauce about 3 weeks ago.

Guess she was trying to poison me :p. (j/k)

feeling better

Feeling much better today, but still kind of icky.

Haven't had the energy to go get my hair done. Grr. I guess it will have to wait.

Going to go eat some rice (the only thing of the BRAT diet I have at home). The first thing I'll have eaten since lunch on Friday.

sickly

I feel awful today.

Actually it started yesterday at clinical. After lunch I just started feeling shaky, achey, and run down. After clinical, Katie and I stopped at Sonic for some dinner and by then I'm sure I was running a fever.

I came home around 7p (we got out early cause it was the last day) and turned on the tv for a little while I got ready for bed. I felt absolutely miserable at this point, so I decided to go take a full Ambien and let it knock me out and hope that I would feel better after I had slept.

At like 7:20, maybe 5 minutes after I took the Ambien, I hear this pounding on my door. Worried that it might be something important, I get up to answer. It wast two traveling missionary Mormons! I was like ummm....I'd love to talk but I am really sick and am going to bed now. Good night.

After that I could not sleep. So I ended up calling my dad to tell him about that. Calling my sister for a little while. Calling Vannary to get caught up with her. And texted Katie and Derek a little. I was just feeling awful and couldn't sleep and needed someone to talk to me.

I woke up this morning, about 30 minutes ago, and am not feeling that much better. I am way less achey, but head is killing me and I just feel sick. Not sure how to describe it, just feeling bad.

Joyful. Good thing my only plans for today were to clean and study.

almost done

I am almost done with clinicals and it feels so GREAT.

I will miss my clinical group, as we have been together now since June. But I am so glad to have 24 hours of my week back.

I know I still have simulation labs and hurricane make-ups, but I am so glad to be done. I am ready to breathe again and have a little time to not be so stressed.

I absolutely have to do much better on the next round of tests, and therefore need as much time to study as possible.

Sadly enough, I will probably end up bringing my pedi book with me to clinical tomorrow to study when I have some spare time. I'm in antepartum, and everyone in my clinical group who has been there already says that it is incredibly boring.

sitting in class

I am sitting in class today and doing everything but learning.

But my good mood is holding, and I truly think I have turned over a new leaf.

Oh, and I think next semester, if time permits, I'm going to join a choir again. I'll probably join a church choir since it is less uptight about being at rehearsals, doesn't cost money, and it's such a big deal. I'm not the best singer in the world but I really do love singing.

I started singing Christmas carols last night. I have Carol of the Bells stuck in my head. It is such a beautiful song when it is done acapella with a four part choir.

feelin' good

It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life

And I'm feelin' good.

I have this song stuck in my head. Normally that would bother me. Today it is my theme song.

I am clinging to the words of this song because they fit be today. I am done (minus the hurrication make up) with pedi clinicals, almost done with OB, the semester is moving along, and there is an end in sight. Not only are all these school issues resolving some, but from my own psyche/emotional standpoint I feel like it is a new day.

Not entirely sure where it came from, but this afternoon I got overwhelmed with the desire and conviction to turn over a new leaf. I don't want to be selfish like I have been lately. I don't want to burden my friends too much with my problems. I don't want to be drowning in self pity. I want to be a strong, independent person, who is there for her friends as much as they have been there for her.

Most of all, I want to be hapy.

And today, I am deciding to be happy.

unsure

So I've been sitting here for a while trying to think of what to say. But I honestly don't know how I am feeling anymore. I've reached that point where I am just going through the motions, trying to survive each day. Not all days are like this, but it seems that more are than not.

I just want to feel normal again. I don't even know what normal is.

I think that after this week, things will get a little better. Clinicals officially end on Friday for me. I still have make-up days from our hurrication, but the official days with paperwork, and care plans and what not ends.

Once school eases up a bit and I'm not struggling to keep up, I think things will get much better.

I am so looking forward to that.

at home

Finally getting a chance to visit my family. And it has been so nice.

At the same time though, I wish I was back home. It's strange to me that I finally am thinking of my apartment in the med center as my home and feel like a visitor at my parent's.

I'm trying not to think of my crazy, messed up feelings tonight and just enjoy some precious time with my family. So I think I'll go bug my mom now for a while.

It is kind of nice having people around.

going home

So I am finally getting a small break from school and am going home to visit my parents and brother and sister. I have been so incredibly home sick and can not wait to see my family.

I am also a little nervous. I'll explain that one later.

I had a great day at clinical today. I was in the new born nursery and loved it. I got to do so much. I did the usual tasks they let the students cover: vital signs, first bath, feeding, changing diapers, bringing baby to/getting baby from mom. But I also got to give meds (Hep B vaccine, Vitamin K, erythromyacin opthalmic, and the triple dye for the cord), cut the cord (with a scalpel!), a PKU/new born screening test and a bilirubin blood draw. I got to see so much. The nursery was crazy full and the nurses were like "Linnea, go do this, Katie go do that."

While I don't think I could do NBN for more than a clinical day, I did enjoy it.

Okay, off to sit in traffic and drive up to Spring. Yay.

playing catch-up

I spent today playing catch-up. I haven't done a single thing for school but did some much needed personal stuff. I slept in, cleaned the bathroom, did the dishes (they were starting to get gross. I mean really really gross), took out the trash, and am going to go scrub everything down with a Clorox wipe.

Last night I went out with Matt, Katie, and Carrie to Wild West to have a few drinks and just let loose a little. It was fun to do something completely free of school.

But now, I am afraid that reality has to set back in some and I need to get myself organized for school. I am planning on going home tomorrow after clinicals to my parent's house and don't want to spend the one weekend this semester I am getting out there doing school work. I probably won't go home again until Thanksgiving. So I want this weekend to be about having a little fun with my family.

Don't tell my mom I said this, but I really do miss the whole family and have been a little home sick lately.

Blogging

So under the urging of Ms. Valarie, I am going to jump on the blog band wagon.

Just thought I'd take a few minutes to explain what the hell the name of my blog means and a few other things.

Once I looked up my name in a name book, and to my surprise, actually found it listed. It listed "Linnea" as an old welsh word for lime tree. Joy. My name is a freaking tree. My parents gave me the name Linnea because it is a beautiful little pink flower that grows in Sweden. It was name for the botanist Carolus Linneaus. My mom always found the name and the flower to be beautiful and wanted to give me a good strong Swedish name.

Now if you have seen my username as "Lemonea", that is because my social security card had a typo on it. Instead of saying "Linnea" it added an M in the middle of the two n's. So it was "Linmnea". So my friends and I would joke about how that name would be said, and saying it kind of like lemon plus nea we were like "lemonea".